Missing hometown

Gohan has been talking about visiting our hometown Taiwan for almost two weeks now. It is unusual that with his fleeting memories, he remembers it consistently. Everyday he would say that he is getting old (he insisted that he is not sick) and it will be his last trip, so he wants to make it before too late. However, I have been resisting the idea, still vividly remembering the bouts of diarrhea that he had during our trips to Bodega and Asilomar when there was no bathroom nearby. He had a great time getting out, but I was anxious and exhausted especially during the Asilomar trip when our kids were not with us to help. Things are much harder to manage away from home where I have all the medical supply. But mostly I am worry about the impact of the long flight and jetlag that will have on his health. People have been telling me stories of their sick relatives or friends whose health got worse after a long trip, either didn't make it back or died shortly after returning. Hence, I summoned a list of relatives and friends in Taiwan to video chat with him, hoping that they will ease his homesickness and dissuade him from international travel. They tell him that they are coming to the US to visit him. However, he would happily tell them that he is going back to see them. As a last resort, I told Gohan that we should check with Dr. Wakelee, thinking that is the best way to stop him.

So when Dr. Wakelee said "you can go! There is nothing medically that prevents you from going", Gohan laughed out loud with joy while I sat feeling defeated. Gohan winked to me 'I won!'. I shaked my head. I expressed my worry about Gohan's yoyo cycle of diarrhea and constipation which is stressful to manage during travel, Dr. W suggested to give Gohan Immodium to prevent diarrhea before boarding the plane, even if it means worsening his constipation. "Just once for the sake of going home", she said. Regarding the issue that it takes him 2-3 hours to eat one meal because his chewing muscle is weak, and by the time he finishes, he is ready to nap; she advised Gohan to take one liquid meal a day (which understandably he dislikes) so that he can enjoy more of his life.

She gently told us that it is great that Tagrisso has been effective for Gohan to keep cancer at bay, but she doesn't know how much longer it will work, so it is a good time to go home. She also reminded me that because he is on oral treatment, we are free to go, which is not an option for patients who have to be treated in the hospital for chemo and radiation. To ease my concern about medical care, she offered to contact her colleagues in Taiwan who are excellent thoracic oncologists, so they will know Gohan's condition and take good care of him should any medical needs arise.

Finally, she suggested that we do a CT scan this week to make sure his chest and left ribs (which last scan shows new mets developing) are stable before we make the final decision. But Gohan is already sure he is going, and excitedly calling his brother about the good news. In his prayer before dinner, his tears flows down as he utters 'God please help me to go back to Taiwan, I miss my homeland so much'.  Tears well up in my eyes instantly. How can I deny a terminally ill man's wish, not to mention he is my husband, even if it means negative effect to his already fragile body. I gently stroke his back and said 'we are going home.'